What if I had stayed..

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I hadn't left my secure life five and a half years ago.

And I admit — these thoughts come when life feels hard. When I'm not in a flow. When the things I want feel endlessly far away.

It can be the simple things. Waking up next to someone you love. A morning hug. Sharing a cup of tea while the earth turns away from the sun and welcomes the light of the moon. The comfort of being looked after when you're sick. The satisfaction of looking after someone you love.

Every little thing is a piece of the puzzle. My puzzle.

When I drove away from it all, I didn't only leave the things that didn't work. I also left the things I liked.

That's the price you pay for freedom.

It doesn't matter what area of your life you want to change — you have to give up both the good and the bad. You have to sacrifice something to gain something new.

For me, it was the need to come home to myself. To find out who I truly was behind all the roles I played. And slowly peel away the layers that were standing between the real me and the sun.

Trust me — I'm still peeling.

This is not for people in a hurry. Not for those looking for quick fixes or a safe straight ride. This journey is for you who wants to wake up every morning feeling excited for a new day. New learnings. Who's willing to welcome both the highs and the lows.

I've learned that I don't need to have all the answers. I trust something bigger than me now. Call it what you want — Spirit, God, the Universe. That trust has been such a relief. I don't have to control everything anymore.

But five years ago I didn't have that trust. So I wonder — if someone had told me about the rollercoaster I was about to enter, would I still have left?

What would my life look like if I had stayed? In my marriage. In my old patterns. As that version of me who was so often angry and never really at ease.

I'm proud of myself today. For having the willingness to keep going, keep growing — and at the same time, slow down.

With Love Queen Marie 🧡

— "What would your life look like if you had stayed?"